I’ve chosen to call my blog, ‘my life on purpose’, because it’s something I try really hard everyday to implement.
My goodness its been a long road for me, I mean, I’m in my late 30s and it’s not until the last say 3 years that I really started to work on myself and my mindset. I mean really work.
I was tired of letting things just “happen” to me and around me.
I don’t believe in victims.
Now, of course I’m not talking about ‘real’ victims of crime or abuse. Those are very real. I’m talking about people who put themselves there. People who just let things happen to them and feel sorry for themselves when things around them fall apart. I’m talking about the ones that blame everyone and everything else and don’t take any responsibility them selves. The bitter ones. the ones believing there are outside forces conspiring agains them
It might sound harsh.
But life doesn’t just “happen”. We make choices every day that move our life in one direction or another.
You can’t control everything that goes on in life, but you can control how you respond to it!
And you have to take responsibly for your life. You have to live your life purposefully.
Yes, life is unfair. Yes, life is hard. We can not control other people or all the bad things that are happening in this world. The only thing we can control is how we respond to it.
No, its not always easy. And yes, there might be a long road ahead with a lot of self reflection, but what else are you going to do? Blame the world and everyone in it for your misfortune?
I (try to) have this ‘No Complaint – Rule’; If I have a problem, I can complain about it once, then either do something about it and if thats not possible, change my attitude about it.
Simply complaining doesn’t solve anything.
Please understand, this isn’t me saying that you can’t or shouldn’t talk about your problems. But talking and complaining are not the same things. Talking is good; talking and venting can lead to a conscious choice of positive action. Complaining can tend to mean that you stay in exactly the same place, but you’re just even more unhappy being there.
It’s been a long road for me, and in the short run its been easier to crumble and feel sorry for myself at times. But I’m working hard at not being that victim.
For instance: I’m not rich, living a life of luxury. But who’s fault is that? Mine! I can not blame my parents for not being rich. Sure, a lot of people are born in to money and yes, it might seem unfair. But plenty of people got them selves there! I didn’t! Because I didn’t make those choices in life which can lead down a road of wealth. I chose to become a nurse, not invest in the stock market. I chose a common man to marry (sorry Richard, no hard feelings 😉 ) not a rich guy, or do anything else that might have made me rich. I made the choices. I can not blame anyone else.
Ok, so our boys have autism and various difficulties. I can not change that! But I can change my attitude towards it.
My career plans didn’t work out as I’d expected because of various reasons. I did probably complain about that, which is fine, but I also weighed up my options and came to the conclusion that at this moment in time, being home with the boys is what I need to do and I adopted my attitude around it. So instead of being bitter because I’m sitting here with two professional qualifications but not working with either of them, I try to embrace all the things I can do.
Even when I suffered from depression a couple of years ago, once I realised that, I did something about it. No, it wasn’t easy to admit that I needed help, but when it affected my family and not just me, it was my responsibility to make sure I did everything I could to get better. And therapy was the best thing I’ve ever done.
I don’t mean to make it sound easy, because it’s not, and I have bad days and good days. Some days I do feel a bit bitter and sorry for myself. But my mindset is one in progress and in the long run I always come back to what I’ve already said: I can not control everything around me, I can only control my response.
To live my life on purpose, not just let my life happen to me.
I know and understand that some people are more prone to negative behaviours because of their early environment. I won’t go in to the really heavy stuff, because like I said, I’m not talking about real victims. But what ever the childhood environment, at some point these children grow up, become adults and responsible for their own actions. Their road to self reflection and responsibility might be a bit longer, but childhood trauma shouldn’t be an excuse for destructive adult behaviour. It might explain it, but it is not an excuse.
I say it again:
You can not control other people, you can only control how you respond.
Not being a victim of how unfair life is to some. But make the most of what we’ve got, be grateful for big things and small, and make conscious choices every day to get us in the direction we want to go.
No, I am certainly not perfect, and I do not always react in a mature manor. But I own up to it, I take responsibility for my actions.
I am the only one responsible for my life and I really try to live it on purpose.