We live many lives in one lifetime

It’s Easter holidays for the boys, but holiday for them doesn’t exactly mean holiday for me, hence I haven’t had time to write as much as I would have liked to. But that’s ok. I know once the boys are back at school I will have more time again.

But now that Joshua and I are off to Sweden tomorrow there’s something that’s been playing on my mind a lot.

That we live many lives in one lifetime.

My brother said that to me once and it really stuck with me. Boy, isn’t that the truth!
He said it during a conversation about my dad during which we talked about that we couldn’t believe how long ago its been since he died.
He died in 2004.
Before I had kids.
I still find it strange that I have a family my dad never got to know. A life he never got to see or be a part of.
My brother said, “Yes, we live many lives in our lifetime”

Our lives change and we evolve around it as a result. At least I hope so! I hope people learn and grow as they travel on their journey through life.
I know I’m a different person.
Today compared to me as a teenager,
today compared to me in my early 20s,
me as a nurse,
me as a new mum,
me loosing my dad,
me moving countries
and certainly me having children with autism.
All big life events changes who we are as a person, at least it should. We should evolve.

My husband and I found a load of missing videos from about 10 years ago when our boys were babies, a time before we moved to England. And we ended up watching them for hours. As I guess every parent feel when they watch old videos of their children we couldn’t believe our two monsters were once so little and cute! It’s hard to remember a time they were ever that small!
But for us its also a bit different.
It was a time when we were a ‘normal’ family.

Sometimes I get the question if I ever miss Sweden, or our house or other things there.
For me, its not a straight up Yes or a No.

That was a different life. I was a different person. What I miss about our life in Sweden have very little to do with the country.

Back then we were both working
We had a house we loved
and most importantly, we had two ’normal’ children: (I don’t like the word ‘normal’ because our children aren’t ‘abnormal’ now, just lack of a better term)
we didn’t know they had autism.
We had an ordinary life.
I’m not saying it was perfect, but for all we knew it was a normal life.

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Harry age 1,5
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Joshua age 3, chillin’ in our house in Stockholm

Now it’s all different.
Shortly after we moved both boys got their diagnosis and as I’ve written about it previously here , you know how different it is for us now.

So me thinking of our life in Sweden is like thinking about other people. I know it was me, but it was another me in another life. A life I can never go back to even if I wanted to. Not that I do because I love living here. I love our life here, hard and complicated as it may be.

So I can be nostalgic when I think about our life in Sweden, or when I visit, but I don’t miss it, because it was a different life with different people.

One of many lives in my lifetime

xx

 

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