We live many lives in one lifetime

It’s Easter holidays for the boys, but holiday for them doesn’t exactly mean holiday for me, hence I haven’t had time to write as much as I would have liked to. But that’s ok. I know once the boys are back at school I will have more time again.

But now that Joshua and I are off to Sweden tomorrow there’s something that’s been playing on my mind a lot.

That we live many lives in one lifetime.

My brother said that to me once and it really stuck with me. Boy, isn’t that the truth!
He said it during a conversation about my dad during which we talked about that we couldn’t believe how long ago its been since he died.
He died in 2004.
Before I had kids.
I still find it strange that I have a family my dad never got to know. A life he never got to see or be a part of.
My brother said, “Yes, we live many lives in our lifetime”

Our lives change and we evolve around it as a result. At least I hope so! I hope people learn and grow as they travel on their journey through life.
I know I’m a different person.
Today compared to me as a teenager,
today compared to me in my early 20s,
me as a nurse,
me as a new mum,
me loosing my dad,
me moving countries
and certainly me having children with autism.
All big life events changes who we are as a person, at least it should. We should evolve.

My husband and I found a load of missing videos from about 10 years ago when our boys were babies, a time before we moved to England. And we ended up watching them for hours. As I guess every parent feel when they watch old videos of their children we couldn’t believe our two monsters were once so little and cute! It’s hard to remember a time they were ever that small!
But for us its also a bit different.
It was a time when we were a ‘normal’ family.

Sometimes I get the question if I ever miss Sweden, or our house or other things there.
For me, its not a straight up Yes or a No.

That was a different life. I was a different person. What I miss about our life in Sweden have very little to do with the country.

Back then we were both working
We had a house we loved
and most importantly, we had two ’normal’ children: (I don’t like the word ‘normal’ because our children aren’t ‘abnormal’ now, just lack of a better term)
we didn’t know they had autism.
We had an ordinary life.
I’m not saying it was perfect, but for all we knew it was a normal life.

Harry age 1,5
Joshua age 3, chillin’ in our house in Stockholm

Now it’s all different.
Shortly after we moved both boys got their diagnosis and as I’ve written about it previously here , you know how different it is for us now.

So me thinking of our life in Sweden is like thinking about other people. I know it was me, but it was another me in another life. A life I can never go back to even if I wanted to. Not that I do because I love living here. I love our life here, hard and complicated as it may be.

So I can be nostalgic when I think about our life in Sweden, or when I visit, but I don’t miss it, because it was a different life with different people.

One of many lives in my lifetime



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