I thought I’d write about my weight, or should I say; that lack of knowledge of what I weigh, because it’s a big insecurity of mine. And I have a feeling I’m about to face this demon of mine sooner rather than later.
So here’s why.
I stopped weighing myself years ago after having spent most of my adult life trying to loose weight. I’d struggled with disordered eating on an off for years. I weighed myself daily. If I had lost weight, I had a good day. If I had gained (Hello, water retention during that time of month), even the tiniest, I was in a foul mood all day.
Isn’t it funny how a number can make us feel so insecure, fat and miserable?
IT. IS. A. NUMBER
A number that NO ONE cares about, but yourself. Well, and your doctor if you’re unhealthily overweight.
Do you care what the number is on your co-workers, your mums, your friends scale? Would that number determine wether you like him/her or not? Wether she/he is worthy as a person? Because that’s exactly what I used to do to myself, and I know a lot of women, especially, still do to themselves.
Now, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with weighing yourself. If it works for you as a motivator to loose that unwanted access fat, or keep on track, then fine!
Good for you!
But if you start to realise that your mood is set by a number. If that number decides wether you will have a good or a bad day, than maybe you should take a step back and think. Is there any other way you can see if you’re making progress? How do you feel? Are your jeans getting tighter?
That number on the scale doesn’t tell you how much of that weight is muscle, fat or water retention from the carb-binge last night. If you want to know a healthy number to track, get a body fat measurement done professionally and track that monthly. That will tell you if you’re going it the right direction.
But most importantly.
A number, any number, doesn’t get to decide weather you’re good or bad, a success or a failure. Only You can do that!
And here’s that thing; There is no magic number that will make you good, a success or worthy.
You already are.
Just as you are.
Even with the excess fat you might have.
You are great, just as you are and just as you want to be! There’s nothing wrong with wanting to loose fat, if you really need to, but if you think a magic number will make you feel good about yourself, you might be disappointed. You are fantastic Right Now!
The number on the scale, it’s just a number.
I feel great about myself and my focus has shifted to what my body can do, not how much I weigh.
But I’m not perfect. Far from it.
I’m telling myself all this stuff and I believe it.
At least in theory.
Because for now I’m happy not knowing. At least I think I am, because maybe I’m just hiding? I can go happily on with my day not knowing and not putting any value to my weight, which, like I said above doesn’t matter anyway. But if I truly believe that that number shouldn’t have an impact on how I feel about myself, I should be fine with stepping on those scales, shouldn’t I?
I need to work on that. I am working on that, hence me writing this post and putting my insecurities out there. I told you I’m not perfect. But I try to work on my insecurities. Because life is all about personal growth, isn’t it?
And we can’t grow unless we step out of our comfort zone, and in my case as it seems, on to the scales.