It’s Tuesday after half term holidays and today both the boys are back at school. Back to ‘normal’, and I can get back in to my routine again. And writing!
I know it might sound boring, but I love routine. When things go back to normal.
I love planning and knowing whats coming next, what my day looks like, what next week looks like.
I honestly don’t know if this is good or a bad thing. I guess it can make me a bit boring and not spontaneous enough?
But I’m not rigid. I can change my plans and with effort maybe even my routine. My husband has learned by now that he just needs to give me to some time to come around to an idea. Let me sit on it for a bit, and unless there’s a valid reason for not doing it, I usually come around quite quickly.
But I love routine! I guess it feels like I have a bit of control over life if I know whats happening. Is it just me? Or am I a control freak? I don’t like uncertainties.
There are so many uncertainties in mine and my families life that I think I feel better if I can just control what I can. And routine is one way of doing that.
I find that I work best and am most productive when I have a routine and a plan to follow. Every Sunday I sit down with my journal and my calendar and I plan my week ahead. Not just appointments and events but also my intentions for the week. Even though I don’t have a traditional job, or maybe because of it, I need to find a purpose every day. To not just let another day go by where I don’t know what I’ve done that day. Except for keeping my family alive.
I don’t like big open spaces of time, like summer for example. Not knowing what the boys and I will be doing every day makes me anxious. Once Easter holidays is out of the way I can feel myself getting more and more tense by the day. I worry that I won’t be able to entertain the boys enough, that we’ll have to much empty time on our hands and they will spend far to much time in front of the computers, iPads or the Playstation.
I plan my week weeks in advance if I can. Things change of course and that’s fine, like I mentioned, just give me some time and I’ll come around to the change of plans.
I plan, but I find it hard to keep up a routine. But I should. That’s my goal for this summer.
When routine goes out the window I kind of fall apart. I become unfocused and I tend to not get anything done, I procrastinate and I feel bad for it. I need routine and plans and then I’m at my happiest, I feel accomplished at the end of the day.
And I am bad at keeping a routine when the boys are off school.
I try to keep my morning routine going, but as you might have noticed I don’t tend to post any blogs during school holidays. This is because that even though I still get up early, not as early as 5am because with both boys at home all day I need more sleep and they tend to stay up a bit later (not really waking up any later though) so I stay up later too. And I prioritise getting my workout done early before Richard leaves for work. It’s usually the only time I have to myself all day.
I still make sure I meditate and write in my journal every morning before my day starts:
But I need to find a way to keep my writing and other things up as well. If I tell myself I’ll do it ‘later’, ‘later’ never happens.
School holidays can be a nightmare. Not because I don’t want to hang out with my boys, I do, but trying to get them both on board to do something can be mission impossible at times. They both require a lot of attention and because none of them play with other kids outside of school, it’s down to me every day to make sure they are entertained. And if we don’t have anything planned, these days become vast open spaces of anxiety for me.
I know this is down to me. I probably should set up a better routine for holidays. If not else for my own sanity.
I have always loved the autumn, when boys go back to school and things go back to normal. But this year I will be better at keeping a routine for myself and the family even during the summer.
I have a few more weeks to go.
Today the boys went back to school.
Today is a good day.