I finally weighed myself and this is what happened

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I had to weigh myself the other day.
Big deal! you might say.

But allow me to explain:

If you you haven’t read my previous post about why I don’t weigh myself, you can read it here. In that post I basically explain that how I decided a few years ago to stop letting the scales dictate my mood and my worth. If the scales showed me a number I liked, I would have a good day. If I’d gained? well, you guess it; I would have a bad day and be in a terrible mood because I’d feel fat.

So my solution was to stop weighing myself.
I just stopped.
I’d had enough.
I’d decided that my worth as human being did not lie in a number on the scales. It was just a number! Who cares if I’d gained or lost a kg?

And what happened when I stopped?
Did I ballon up, because I didn’t have that scale to keep me on track?

No!
I stayed pretty much the same.

And I was happy without knowing. Because I took the power away from the scales and put it in my own hands.
I had decided that I was more than a number. And rightly so. We are more than that number. That number should not define who we are or our worth. And it definitely should not have the power to decide if we would have a good or bad day.

But

Even though I truly believe and happily preach all this, I still had this niggling worry. I was scared of ever stepping on the scales again.
In theory I wasn’t worried about the number that would come up. But I wasn’t sure I would be able to stay neutral and not instantly give the power back to the scales again.
So I avoided them for years.

Fast forward to the other day.

I had to weigh myself at a recent check up at the doctors.
Previously I have always told the doctor or nurse not to tell me what the scales show and I would look away, happily not knowing.

But not that day.
I looked.
I was to curious.

I’d armed myself with thoughts like, “I have just had breakfast”, “my bladder is full” and “muscles weigh more than fat” thoughts, just in case I would be daunted by that number. (Just to clarify, muscles don’t actually weigh more than fat, muscles are just more dense than fat, there fore a kg of muscles take up less room than a kg of fat)

So I looked.

And my first though was: “Huh”
Followed by: “I can’t believe I looked!”

And I amazingly did not think “I weigh THAT much!”

Then as I walked home I analysed my feelings around this, and I can honestly say that knowing that number did nothing for me.
Sure, it was more than I would have liked back in the day when I weighed myself daily, but the funny thing was that I walked home with a smile on my face!
Not because of the number, not because I didn’t care about the number, but because I’d looked and overcome my fear!
I had looked, and I had not given any value what so ever to that number.
It really was just a number.

Knowing what I weigh had absolutely no impact on my self worth what so ever.
I still had all the power!

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Stepping on those scales re assured me how far I’ve come in my journey.
That I honestly believe what I preach: That I am more than a number.

 

xx

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